I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
