Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
