Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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