WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
