he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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