My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
