I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
