Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
