yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
