i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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