Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
