Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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