When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize