I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
