He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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