you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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