did you get engaged???
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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