decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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