You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
