he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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