We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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