areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i now understand why vodka
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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