Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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