I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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