something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
