your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
