Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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