True but thats because hes a fetus.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
