I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
soo... how was my night?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
