1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
