I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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