the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
