I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
