I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was CRYING into my vagina
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
