I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
