Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
