if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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