We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
