i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
