my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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