My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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