You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
