Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
