i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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