we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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