Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
