You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
