I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
