During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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