plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
