Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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