so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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