another moral hangover. fuck.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
