He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
