walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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