hell yes lets make some ravioli
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
