totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
how drunk are you?
Several
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
