I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My balls are so social today.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
