so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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