I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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