I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
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Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
