I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My pussy is not your playground.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
