he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
