My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
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it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.