at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.