Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
