oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
