You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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