dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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