'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.