either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
