it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
