Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
