What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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