You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
should my penis look like a turkey
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
