Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
