You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
