Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
His nipple licking is glorious
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