Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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