He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
