Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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