turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my being single is dangerous.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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