why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
