I'm lost and stupid without you.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
