I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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