I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Randomize
