we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
